tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-158096902024-03-13T13:58:16.039-04:00Retirement with SpiritMusings of a retired college professor--
What happens to life after work?
What am I living for, if not other people's desires?
How do I design a life of creativity, peace, and connection?Ann McNealhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06582439307617238027noreply@blogger.comBlogger35125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15809690.post-24623515055713860812013-08-08T15:52:00.000-04:002013-08-08T15:52:59.083-04:00poem: Taking for granted<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<h1>
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="_Toc323892135"></a><span style="font-size: large; mso-bookmark: _Toc323892135;">taking for granted</span></h1>
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no need for something more</div>
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simplicity like varnished wood</div>
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trust like a well-loved child </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
familiarity of years</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
accepting what is offered</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
settling inside like a leaf onto water</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
no urgency of seeking</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
no heat of pursuit</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
where did yearning go?</div>
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here is stillness with slight breeze</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
gratitude underneath like a hidden stream.</div>
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<i>from my book, </i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Spaces-Between-Ann-McNeal/dp/0615572642/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1354138695" target="_blank">The Spaces Between </a></div>
Ann McNealhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06582439307617238027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15809690.post-3731399294919479612012-05-16T09:40:00.002-04:002012-05-16T09:40:50.591-04:00I have a new book!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Spaces-Between-Ann-McNeal/dp/0615572642/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1337175399&sr=8-1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gGLolPIWMBE/T7OsLYv9YII/AAAAAAAAAP0/KqPuCXJ3bpo/s320/spaces4COVER.jpg" width="218" /></a></div>
Well, how about that? I've been slowly working way on a compilation of my poems, and now it is complete. I received lovely blurbs from Robin Chapman and Pat Schneider. It is availabel on <a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Spaces-Between-Ann-McNeal/dp/0615572642/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1337175399&sr=8-1">Amazon </a>and pretty soon you'll be able to search inside.<br />
<br />
What I love about this is that I'm putting no pressure on myself, and yet the book is miraculously complete. I hope you like it. Many of the poems I've posted here are included.<br />
<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i><span>Quietly
meditative, occasionally witty, and sometimes (this is a compliment) a little
strange. The Spaces Between gives to
the pilgrim, to the seeker, to the solitary heart in each of us a map back to
ourselves.<span> </span></span></i></span></div>
<div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i><span>~ </span></i><span>Pat
Schneider, author,</span><i><span> Writing Alone and With
Others,</span></i><span> and founder, </span></span></div>
<div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>Amherst
Writers & Artists</span><i><span></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>I loved this book. Attentive to the
wild interior and natural worlds, Ann McNeal’s poems of daily meditation take
us into spaces of freedom, feeling, search, and faith: the now where “without expectation/ something opens.”<span> </span>~ </i>Robin Chapman, author of<i> Smoke and Strong Whiskey </i>and <i>the eelgrass meadow.</i></span></div>Ann McNealhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06582439307617238027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15809690.post-4085014174911331952012-02-14T20:02:00.000-05:002012-02-14T20:02:40.212-05:00Death of a Poet, an Appreciation<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">Death of a Poet—</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> for <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/02/books/wislawa-szymborska-nobel-winning-polish-poet-dies-at-88.html">Wisława Szymborska</a></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">There’s a hole where you used to be.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">No, that’s not quite right,</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">there’s a lot remaining—</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">in your poems’ wit and compassion,</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">and perhaps in your apartment—</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">shelves of books, well-worn pots,</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">dishes both cracked and shiny,</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">bedclothes, plants, a cat dish,</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">but all these objects will disperse</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">and roam to other places,</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">find other hearts or at least homes.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">The memories of you remain with</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">your friends, your admirers</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">who knew you daily or never saw you once.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">I don’t know your life, just the reflections</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">of it in your poems, </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">the bumblebee bumping the windowpane,</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">the soul that is there, as you said, sometimes</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">then vanishes when it’s time to do taxes</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">the percent of people who deserve compassion, 99,</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">who are mortal, 100.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">There’s a hole where you used to be</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">you who had the nerve and generosity</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">to give us such fire and ice.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">I hope to catch your spirit by the sleeve</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">before you leave entirely,</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">whisper <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Thank you</i>.<br />
.<br />
</div>Ann McNealhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06582439307617238027noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15809690.post-24759543183536852482011-12-21T20:50:00.000-05:002013-08-08T15:44:06.487-04:00Winter Solstice Poem<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:RelyOnVML/> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/> <w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> <w:Word11KerningPairs/> <w:CachedColBalance/> </w:Compatibility> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<h1 style="font-weight: normal;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=15809690" name="_Toc312231902"></a></h1>
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<span style="font-size: large;">When the first light </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
of winter solstice</div>
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touches the doorframe</div>
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just a hint of pink</div>
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and then the wall</div>
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eggshell delicate light</div>
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infant day asking to be held</div>
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another year turning</div>
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how strange these eyes</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
have seen sixty-seven</div>
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such beginnings and still</div>
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each one is more </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
unknown than the last</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
.<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<i>from my book, </i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Spaces-Between-Ann-McNeal/dp/0615572642/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1354138695" target="_blank">The Spaces Between </a></div>
</div>
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</div>
Ann McNealhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06582439307617238027noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15809690.post-74506779570428770242011-03-15T09:55:00.003-04:002013-08-08T15:45:41.314-04:00FaithYou don’t remember it, my children<br />
the endless trek across the dry places<br />
the lone tree with a pump beneath<br />
a few handfuls of grass greening.<br />
One clear Mason jar full of water.<br />
Stop! You must not drink a drop.<br />
This is what you don’t know—<br />
<br />
You must pour it all down the shaft<br />
your parched mouth watching it disappear<br />
into the workings below, the leather cuffs<br />
and steel pistons. Then you pump.<br />
The steel shrieks and groans. <br />
Nothing comes. Despair closes<br />
your throat. Keep pumping.<br />
<br />
More resistance now<br />
your arm protests<br />
then great gushes<br />
speed over your hands<br />
cool your feet<br />
open your throat.<br />
<br />
In the end you must fill the jar.<br />
Leave it for the next traveler.<br />
<br />
<blockquote>
This poem was published in <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Solace-Many-Words-Ellen-Beals/dp/0972525467">Solace in So Many Words</a>, edited by Ellen Wade Beals, Weighed Words Press. Also in my book<i>, </i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Spaces-Between-Ann-McNeal/dp/0615572642/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1354138695" target="_blank">The Spaces Between </a><br />
.<br />
<br /></blockquote>
Ann McNealhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06582439307617238027noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15809690.post-42979131811569058082010-12-04T21:44:00.002-05:002013-08-08T15:46:59.009-04:00Pond in AprilYou crunched last-year’s leaves <br />
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underfoot, down to the pond’s edge,</div>
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sat in the clear spot at twilight</div>
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and the hush was a bowl</div>
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of soft light placed gently</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
over the water, bugs</div>
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skittering the surface, the gentle</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
high shish of the stream entering</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and leaving by the beaver dam,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
hemlocks bowing, and the high</div>
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dead snags holding up the sky,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
one heron watching you with legs</div>
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astraddle. Slowly you painted</div>
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yourself into the picture, breath</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
dropping lower. There was</div>
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nothing more you desired,</div>
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nothing needed, nothing omitted</div>
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and not a thing happened</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
all that evening.</div>
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</div>
<blockquote>
Published in a volume of meditation poetry, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Moments-Soul-Meditation-Mindfulness-Writers/dp/0980031419/ref=sr_1_28?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1291495840&sr=1-28">Moments of the Soul</a>, now out on Amazon, also in my book<i>, </i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Spaces-Between-Ann-McNeal/dp/0615572642/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1354138695" target="_blank">The Spaces Between </a></blockquote>
<br />
<br />Ann McNealhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06582439307617238027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15809690.post-35562420322525362942010-08-25T16:08:00.002-04:002013-08-08T15:47:10.773-04:00Sometimes the breezefrom the north touches<br />
the skin of your forearm<br />
and suddenly thoughts are gone<br />
and it is only this moment<br />
smoothing your mind<br />
like a gentle wave<br />
stroking sand, repeating<br />
now, now.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<i>from my book, </i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Spaces-Between-Ann-McNeal/dp/0615572642/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1354138695" target="_blank">The Spaces Between </a></div>
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Ann McNealhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06582439307617238027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15809690.post-22914430191996577562010-03-13T12:46:00.001-05:002010-03-13T12:50:29.863-05:00on being apart<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Zp4aRVBnPRI/S5vQMI5MGnI/AAAAAAAAAPE/RhVTM1s0ANg/s1600-h/IMG_1268-1.JPG"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 200px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Zp4aRVBnPRI/S5vQMI5MGnI/AAAAAAAAAPE/RhVTM1s0ANg/s200/IMG_1268-1.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5448177081199106674" /></a><br />silence draws me<br />like a silk cable<br />like a deep well<br />and as I flail and fall<br />I feel the gravity of my need<br /><br />during weeks of activity<br />and engagement you’d think<br />I’d feel connected<br />with all these people<br />these important projects<br /><br />but it’s in the quiet<br />of separation<br />that I surrender<br />sometimes, in bits,<br />into unity.Ann McNealhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06582439307617238027noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15809690.post-49749451531109239192010-02-18T10:15:00.001-05:002010-02-18T10:18:42.996-05:00Beyondthe definite edges of maple<br />buds itching with sap<br />the clouds’ luminosity<br />out of nowhere they form<br />and race, dissolve<br />and grow again<br />soft-verged<br />what a day when<br />such as these<br />can form before our eyes<br />move with majesty<br />and boil into nothing<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Every morning after I meditate, I write a poem. They are humble little containers like clay cereal bowls, but sometimes I like them enough to share. This came to me today.</span></span><br /><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>Ann McNealhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06582439307617238027noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15809690.post-31044605211578643822009-11-05T09:09:00.002-05:002009-11-05T09:15:21.296-05:00Mixed Colors<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Zp4aRVBnPRI/SvLdi1LG_EI/AAAAAAAAAH8/p9GT_F2Re34/s1600-h/100_1004.JPG"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 134px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Zp4aRVBnPRI/SvLdi1LG_EI/AAAAAAAAAH8/p9GT_F2Re34/s200/100_1004.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5400622493629611074" /></a><br />The day is dreary, subdued, but yet there’s something in the soft wetness that brings out the soul-colors of the foliage. The kind you can’t get right from the tube, not vermillion, cadmium red, Hansa yellow, cerulean, but where you’d have to mix, some orange, some burnt umber for the branches, and a delicious 15 minutes with yellow ochre, alizarin, cadmium orange, raw sienna, burnt sienna, and a bit of hooker’s green—that combination might get one part of the maple out the window there, which holds the kind of muted yellow that looks drab this week, but for 11 months of the year would be seen as astounding, brilliant, off the charts. <br /><br />How easily we drift into expecting the best and the worst. We expect the fall to look like an image we stored in the back of the memory files from a calendar, or one day last year we defined as perfect. Then anything different is just ordinary, not quite what we wanted. <br /><br />A couple of weeks ago, the day was soft and rainy like this, the panorama of leaves ranging from deepest forest green to purest red and yellow. Driving my car to Pelham Auto to be fixed, along the roads plastered with brilliant maple leaves, I felt an awe of the season. The woman at the auto place had a different take. Dreary, she said, such rotten weather. Oh, it has its own beauty I said, but turned the conversation to things we had in common—grown children and the town we live in.<br /> <br />But back to mixing—that’s it. The subtlety of a day like today requires that kind of slow attention, nothing showy in it, nothing quick. The kind of attention that sits at the table with the paints at hand and mixes, considers, mixes again, tries a dab on the newspaper, shakes its head, adds a little ultramarine, then a modicum of ochre, and grunts with satisfaction.Ann McNealhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06582439307617238027noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15809690.post-90175106750090621282009-03-11T09:48:00.000-04:002009-03-11T09:52:00.296-04:00grayGod’s idea<br />of a way to introduce<br />spring. Good joke, eh?<br />They hated the boring white of winter.<br />OK, I’ll give them gray and brown<br />heaps of spent scuffed snow,<br />drizzle emulsifying the air<br />then just these tiny droplets<br />on bare branches<br />to refract the world.Ann McNealhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06582439307617238027noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15809690.post-29506455490574412722008-09-25T10:12:00.001-04:002008-09-25T10:20:26.243-04:00Holding the Space<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Zp4aRVBnPRI/SNucvH6jwII/AAAAAAAAABA/G026j5y1ifQ/s1600-h/abstract+crop3.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Zp4aRVBnPRI/SNucvH6jwII/AAAAAAAAABA/G026j5y1ifQ/s200/abstract+crop3.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5249962124022890626" border="0" /></a>Each day I hold this morning time for being and for creation. I’ve written a number of little poems, I’ve done some painting, I’ve taken a lot of walks. Today at this moment, I feel lost and lonely. I miss my friends who have left town. </p> <p style="text-indent: 0.5in; margin-bottom: 0in;">I look out my big window and the maples are still, the leaves half-turned and looking motley. I feel like that—unfinished, half-turned, waiting for a season to change. </p> <p style="text-indent: 0.5in; margin-bottom: 0in;">And in another breath, when I let go of the need to <i>make this into something</i><span style="font-style: normal;">, it is just time, my time, and the space opens up between me and the maples. It is all good just the way it is. I guess it’s this re-finding that I need to practice.</span></p>Ann McNealhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06582439307617238027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15809690.post-83780042632742225842008-09-18T12:57:00.003-04:002008-09-18T13:05:47.475-04:00Day 3 of Dedicated Time<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Zp4aRVBnPRI/SNKKKN0ABrI/AAAAAAAAAA4/yOhHgukZlfc/s1600-h/skara+brae+rock+play.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Zp4aRVBnPRI/SNKKKN0ABrI/AAAAAAAAAA4/yOhHgukZlfc/s200/skara+brae+rock+play.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5247408423951140530" border="0" /></a><br />Today I feel uninspired, slow. Why bother to take this time for creativity when I feel uncreative? Ah, that’s exactly where the <span style="font-style: italic;">practice</span> comes in. Do it anyway. I journal. I do some routine keeping track of my writing. Then I hang out the wash. I ignore the phone, I stretch.<br /><br />Suddenly I’m ready to start making monoprints with acrylic paint and saran wrap. Do I know how? No. I just just do it. No Picasso, no genius, but serious fun.<br /><br />It seems to work: make the time and something will come.Ann McNealhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06582439307617238027noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15809690.post-62304021394759416652008-09-16T16:31:00.001-04:002008-09-16T16:36:43.324-04:00Dedicated TimeIt’s so easy to get called back into the habits of a lifetime and get busy with doing things. In the past few months Ive been feeling very busy inside, losing my sense of center and of peace.<br /><br /> For years I’ve been accustomed to doing the “important” things first, the things that affect other people. My own stuff comes last. I’m a morning person, and my habit has been to look at the to-do lists first thing. Oops! That leads off in ten thousand directions.<br /><br /> I decided to dedicate mornings to my own work. Today’s the first day. I didn’t look at the to-do list. I didn’t answer the phone. It is so exciting to ask myself what piece of creative work I want to do at this moment—will it be writing a poem, revising an old piece of work, or painting with acrylics (a new love)? I’ll let you know how it goes.Ann McNealhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06582439307617238027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15809690.post-5201487459130778192007-09-05T14:03:00.002-04:002008-03-12T14:54:41.383-04:00Busy Time and Dreamtime<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Zp4aRVBnPRI/Rt7vuKJmg9I/AAAAAAAAAAc/h79CRCbuGhc/s1600-h/heron+last+day+5.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Zp4aRVBnPRI/Rt7vuKJmg9I/AAAAAAAAAAc/h79CRCbuGhc/s200/heron+last+day+5.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5106782603762369490" border="0" /></a> It’s so tempting.<span style=""> </span>When I was professional and overworked all those years, the little things did not get done:<span style=""> </span>the corner-sweeping details of house and garden.<span style=""> </span>Now with the luxury of time, I am enjoying getting around to some of these in an unhurried way. <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">But wait!<span style=""> </span>It’s possible to get completely engaged with this taking-care-of-things.<span style=""> </span>I find myself thinking that I could get everything truly in order, when that’s not really my nature or calling.<span style=""> </span>It’s important not to get busy all over again.<span style=""> </span>I need the dreamtime to watch dragonflies and herons at the beaver pond, write poetry, and follow impulse.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"> </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Technorati tags: <span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://technorati.com/tag/retirement" rel="tag">retirement</a>,<span style=""> </span><a href="http://technorati.com/tag/nature" rel="tag">nature</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/time" rel="tag">time</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/leisure" rel="tag">leisure</a>,<span style=""> </span><a href="http://technorati.com/tag/busy%20" rel="tag">busy </a></span></p>Ann McNealhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06582439307617238027noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15809690.post-61468823830676176012007-04-13T10:07:00.000-04:002007-04-13T12:37:27.989-04:00Poems On Retirement<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Retirement-75-Poems-Robin-Chapman/dp/158729527X/ref=sr_1_1/103-4788463-3056616?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1176472608&sr=8-1"><i style="">On Retirement—75 Poems</i></a>, edited by Robin Chapman and Judith Strasser (University of Iowa Press) has just come out.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">The collection embraces wonderful, thoughtful poems by people like Ted Kooser, Denise Levertov, Maxine Kumin, Ishmael Reed, Lucille Clifton, Grace Paley—and my "<a href="http://retirespirit.blogspot.com/2005/08/walking-out.html">Walking Out</a>"!<span style=""> </span>They muse on changing roles we play, on open spaces of time, on continuing parenting and grandparenting, on our relationships to cities and countryside, on connection and disconnection from those we love.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-style: italic;">“This collection is a magnificent entrée to a season of life when time is at once bountiful and limited, is taken and surrendered, has been invested and withdrawn. Some of these voices say that time is leaden and some say it flies, and all are resolute in facing the arc of life’s course.”</span>—Dave Ekerdt, director, Gerontology Center, University of Kansas</p>Ann McNealhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06582439307617238027noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15809690.post-66410043573966780062007-01-23T16:51:00.000-05:002007-01-23T16:55:39.142-05:00The Third Half of the Show<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Zp4aRVBnPRI/RbaECeO2mEI/AAAAAAAAAAM/ysfEjBHriS4/s1600-h/100_0038.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Zp4aRVBnPRI/RbaECeO2mEI/AAAAAAAAAAM/ysfEjBHriS4/s200/100_0038.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5023347612388333634" border="0" /></a><br /><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">The Car Talk guys coined that phrase, “third half of the show,” but as I took a walk today in the winter woods, ice crunching underfoot, I thought <i style="">Yes, that’s what this time of life feels like</i>.<span style=""> </span>The first part of life, maybe up to age thirty, was growing up and getting educated.<span style=""> </span>The second half was work and family.<span style=""> </span>I’m not sure how it feels to other people, but when I hit 60, I felt a strong sense of coming to the downward arc of my life.<span style=""> </span>It’s not downward in the sense of despair or depression, but it’s clearly moving towards an ending. <span style=""> </span>I am conscious of mortality nearly every day, even though my health is excellent.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">I’d never planned for the third half of the show.<span style=""> </span>People tell me it’s time to do the things I’ve always wanted to do and they ask if I am traveling to colorful places.<span style=""> </span>But really, the work of creative writing is an exotic land to me. <span style=""> </span>I don’t so much yearn to see the Amazon as I wish to allow unformed and creative parts to emerge and do their dance.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">It’s time to develop my spiritual life, which I see as connection within myself; connection to nature; a new, less goal-oriented way of being with other people; and attunement to the creative process.<span style=""> </span>These inter-connected elements make up the core of my third half life.</p> <br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Technorati tags: <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/retirement" rel="tag">retirement</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/writing" rel="tag">writing</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/creativity" rel="tag">creativity</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/leisure" rel="tag">leisure</a>, </span><a href="http://technorati.com/tag/spirit%20" rel="tag"><span style="font-size:85%;">spirit</span> </a>Ann McNealhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06582439307617238027noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15809690.post-1163440552496214982006-11-13T12:51:00.001-05:002008-03-12T14:46:49.932-04:00Getting out of busyness, again<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/925/1423/1600/leaves%20enhanced.0.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/925/1423/200/leaves%20enhanced.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:85%;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/925/1423/1600/leaves%20enhanced.jpg"><br /></a></span> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">How did I do it when I was working 60-hour weeks and trying to have a life?<span style=""> </span>Over the past six weeks I got very busy—well, “very” is relative, but I did help my son roof a cabin, set up a website for the Authentic Movement Community, have houseguests, submit a manuscript to my writing group, join a dance group of differently-abled people, and do some of my own writing.<span style=""> </span>All good things.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Now I’m making the transition back to “my own time.”<span style=""> </span>It’s hard to describe the difference.<span style=""> </span>It’s not like I do nothing, but I have the sense of doing nothing.<span style=""> </span>It’s not like I have endless time, but I attempt to treat it as endless.<span style=""> </span>I stop the lists running in my head (I have one on the kitchen counter for the basics).<span style=""> </span>I notice that voice that keeps asking “What next?” and “What <i style="">should</i> I be doing?”<span style=""> </span>“Nothing,” I answer the voice.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">“Shouldn’t you check email?”<span style=""> </span>“It will wait.”<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">“Shouldn’t you do errands?”<span style=""> </span>“They can keep.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">I spend time looking out the window at the branches waving in the wind.<span style=""> </span>I suddenly have ideas for three poems—now those are worth the time!<span style=""> </span>I take a walk.<span style=""> </span>I make tea.<span style=""> </span>I write this essay.<span style=""> </span>Tomorrow is a busy day but I have three days in a row after that with no fixed points.<span style=""> </span>What luxury! </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p><br />Technorati tags: <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/retirement" rel="tag">retirement</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/leisure" rel="tag">leisure</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/meditation" rel="tag">meditation</a></span></p>Ann McNealhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06582439307617238027noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15809690.post-1158018634301166312006-09-11T19:47:00.001-04:002008-03-12T14:47:23.941-04:00free fall<span style="font-style: italic;"> (a little meditation on retirement)</span><br /><br />as if I deserved it<br />the whole forest turns<br />gold, light enters<br />on a daring slant<br />leaves flame in the swamp<br />the beaver dam barely<br />holds back tons<br />of shining water<br /><br />time that was never<br />mine, is now<br /><br />in July monotonous<br />ranks of worker<br />leaves made sticky<br />molecules<br />for mother tree<br /><br />one October sunrise<br />the work of holding on<br />is complete<br />I hold my breath<br />to fly between<br />unclasping and the<br />anonymous pile below<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">This poem was published in <a href="http://www.amherstwriters.com/Peregrin.html">Peregrine</a> XXIV, 2006</span>Ann McNealhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06582439307617238027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15809690.post-1150336628794814422006-06-14T21:49:00.001-04:002008-03-12T14:48:27.832-04:00The Gift of TimeAn old pseudo-folk song said, “Nothing is what you could wish it to be.” <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><i style="">Oh life is a toil and love is a trouble, <o:p></o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><i style="">beauty will vanish and riches will flee.<span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><i style="">Pleasures they dwindle and prices they double <o:p></o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><i style="">and nothing is what you could wish it to be.<span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">It’s true but it’s not true, and how fortunate I am—no beauty was there to dwindle and I have enough money and I have time.<span style=""> </span>Who knows how much time, but while it’s here it’s mine.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><i style="">The Last Gift of Time</i>, Carolyn Heilbrun titled her quirky book about the challenges and joys of being in her 60s.<span style=""> </span>She had thought she would commit suicide rather than face that decade but instead she wrote a book about the changes.<span style=""> </span>Then killed herself at 77, when she was still in good health.<span style=""> </span>I was angry at her, knowing her only through her writing—the high-toned murder mysteries and the essays.<span style=""> </span>Why destroy herself when she was well able to negotiate the city she loved and while she still had friends and the infinite horizon of writing to be done?<span style=""> </span>In <i style="">The Last Gift</i> she wrote of her friendship with May Sarton who—as Heilbrun describes her—was in her old age still feeling angry and deprived because of the recognition she didn’t receive in academic and literary circles.<span style=""> </span>Only millions of actual readers, not the establishment, loved Sarton.<span style=""> </span>There’s definitely a lesson there in taking what you have and being grateful.<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">But while it’s here, time is mine, that was the thought.<span style=""> </span>My time to pick the ugly larvae off the Asian lilies, to walk in the Quabbin Reservoir wildness, to talk to the cats, to write whatever I choose, to cultivate new friendships.<span style=""> </span>To learn to live in what already is.</p>Ann McNealhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06582439307617238027noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15809690.post-1147974494092892592006-05-18T13:44:00.001-04:002008-03-12T14:49:24.110-04:00Art and Fear<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Among my indulgences is a shelf full of books on writing and creativity.<span style=""> </span>A friend loaned me a wonderful little book called <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0961454733/"><i style="">Art and Fear—Observations on the Perils (and Rewards) of Artmaking</i></a>, by David Bayles and Ted Orland.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">One of the major themes running through the book is that artists (including writers) are people who continue.<span style=""> </span>Many people who start creative activities get discouraged, feeling they won’t ever be great or famous, or whatever they think of as achievement.<span style=""> </span>If you keep going, you might or might not do something great; if you quit, for sure you won’t.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Bayles and Orland tell the story of a pottery teacher who divided his students into two groups, one to be graded on the basis of quantity, the other on quality.<span style=""> </span>Those graded on quantity would have all their pots weighed at the end of semester and the weight translated into a grade.<span style=""> </span>Those who were working for quality only had to produce one perfect pot to get an A.<span style=""> </span>At the end of the semester, most of the really good work was done by those who worked on quantity and had the chance to learn from their work.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">As <i style="">Art and Fear</i> says, no one can tell you what it takes for <i style="">you</i> to keep going.<span style=""> </span>It’s different for every person, though we can learn from one another about some general patterns.<span style=""> </span>So good luck to you in your creative endeavors, and keep on working!</p><br /><a href="http://technorati.com/tag/book" rel="tag">book</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/art" rel="tag">art</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/creativity" rel="tag">creativity</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/Writing+and+poetry" rel="tag">Writing and poetry</a>Ann McNealhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06582439307617238027noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15809690.post-1146064793977588132006-04-26T11:13:00.000-04:002006-04-26T11:21:48.876-04:00Now<p class="MsoNormal">You can stop waiting.<br />It has arrived.<span style=""> </span>Whatever<br />you were waiting for—<br />the train on Track 5,<br />springtime,<br />the moment when<br />you can be yourself,<br />the answer to the question<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">What am I doing?</span><br />They all just landed<br />on your porch, wrapped<br />in brown paper<br />delivered with a thud<br />by the indifferent postman.<br />You can stop pacing,<br />you can stop asking<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Where will I send this poem?</span><br />It’s time to stand at the end<br />of the walkway<br />scan the faces<br />choose your beloved<br />and hug.<span style=""> </span>Say <span style="font-style: italic;">How are you?</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">How was the trip?</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Are you hungry?</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Can I carry your bags?</span><br />No more looking<br />at your watch<br />checking the schedule<br />wishing you had planned<br />a different reunion<br />with yourself.<br />Your life has arrived<br />at the station<br />now.</p>Ann McNealhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06582439307617238027noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15809690.post-1144679864739686402006-04-10T10:36:00.000-04:002006-04-10T10:37:44.756-04:00What is life about?<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Retirement opens up this question all over again, just like adolescence in some ways.<span style=""> </span>For thirty-plus years of college teaching I knew my purpose was to serve students and the institution and to grow in my technical area.<span style=""> </span>Now I don’t want the growth to stop, but it’s in different directions.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Joseph Campbell said these years are about enjoyment of the world.<span style=""> </span>William Bridges, in <i style="">Transitions</i>, said they are about sharing our wisdom.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">But I am most drawn to Jung’s expansive view of development, which he saw as continuing for the whole of a lifetime. He called it individuation—the long, slow maturation of the soul, flowering in creativity and integration of all the parts of a human, including the light and the dark, childhood and archetypes.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">I guess, after about a year of retirement, that I feel this segment of life is about all three for me:<span style=""> </span>enjoyment, sharing wisdom, and further integration.<o:p><br /></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><a href="http://technorati.com/tag/retirement" rel="tag">retirement</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/life" rel="tag">life</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/diary" rel="tag">diary</a>, <a href="http://technorati.com/tag/Jung" rel="tag">Jung</a></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p>Ann McNealhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06582439307617238027noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15809690.post-1142218384430378422006-03-12T21:51:00.000-05:002006-03-12T21:53:30.696-05:00Sunset on the Sea of Cortez, Baja<div style="text-align: left;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/925/1423/1600/baja1gif.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/925/1423/320/baja1gif.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /></div>Ann McNealhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06582439307617238027noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15809690.post-1142218236524638502006-03-12T21:49:00.000-05:002006-03-12T21:50:36.540-05:00The joy of unstructured time<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">I haven’t blogged here for a while—in part because I’m taking my lack of responsibility seriously.<span style=""> </span>I’ve been writing a lot (poetry and memoir), enjoying winter in New England.<span style=""> </span>And I took a wonderful trip to Baja California with my friend Michelle, where we saw mother gray whales and calves and gorgeous scenery.<span style=""> </span>In the evenings we told stories by candlelight.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Back here, I’ve settled into serious chunks of time that are all my own.<span style=""> </span>It’s easy to let the days get clogged with little actions and appointments, but I’m happier when I sweep them clear and let myself drift from thing to thing.<span style=""> </span>It will be interesting to see if my relationship to time shifts some more, but less than one year out from retirement, I’m zealously guarding my freedom.</p>Ann McNealhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06582439307617238027noreply@blogger.com1