Thursday, November 03, 2005

The demons at the door

Lately, since I returned from a (really nice) trip to the Southwest, I have been feeling very busy inside. When I try to slow down, I hear a lot of voices inside telling me I should be “on top of things,” should be out saving the world, should be doing something, not slowing down.

Sometimes it’s hard to know when to turn around and confront the voices, and when to keep on moving in the direction of my dreams. This time, I need to face them.

My father was an old Marxist. His voice is with me now as I take time to sit and stare at the maple trees, watching their leaves whirl down to earth. He says that everyone should be politically active all the time, the more the better.

My mother was from a long line of busy, competent women. She was always thinking what to do next. In free time, she did craft projects like beading and embroidery. Sitting watching the trees would seem strange to her. Her voice tells me to look around the house for things that need doing, plan my finances, and keep busy.

It’s as if my personal demons are guarding the door through which I must pass (more than once) to get to my own world. The closer I get to being serious about creating a new more spiritual life, the louder they shout and scream.

10 comments:

weight loss diet pill said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Beading Basics said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
bd--c361bc said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
WORLD MARKETING ALLIANCE said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Beading Basics said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Beading Basics said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
pension said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Ann McNeal said...

Sorry about all those deletes--it was all spam. Real comments are welcome!

Ann

Anonymous said...

Hi Ann,
This is something I too stuggle with. My parents were doers, only stopping when they were too tired to do anything else. After reading John Bradshaw's- Bradshaw: on the the Family, I realized how addicted I was to being busy. This began my journey of slowing down to "smell the roses". Now, many years later, I've discovered that under all this busyness is a fear of life and change. Every day I continue to struggle with the paradox of having, and not having, faith in myself, others, and Spirit/God.
If you post this, please do not use y name, but post under anonymous

Ann McNeal said...

Thanks for your comments. Busyness is toxic and keeps us from knowing what we are doing. I think I'll do a post on Jon Kabat-Zinn's Wherever You Go, There You Are, a really good manual on mindfulness.